By: Alice Endy RN,C

"But no matter how they made you feel, you should always watch elders carefully. They were you and you will be them. You carry the seeds of your old age in you at this very moment, and they hear the echoes of their childhood each time they see you. Kent Nerburn, "Letters to My Son"

THE FRAIL PERIOD Over the past decade, I have worked with thousands of families as they have gone through and grown through the aging of their parents or elder family member. *helping an elderly man care for his wife *helping an elderly woman care for her husband *helping a son/daughter care for one or more parents We each have our thoughts, beliefs and prejudices regarding old age and old people but it is not until you live in the shoes of the elderly do you really get a sense of the frailty of advanced age.

All of our lives we plan, for me it started at about age 14. I couldn't wait till I turned 16 - that meant freedom, drivers license, the opportunity to obtain a job and have spending money. Never did I see the full picture-- paying for car insurance, gas, repairs, etc. But we go on!!

Then our planning is focused on graduating from high school, going to college and again getting a job and having spending money. Never do we see the full picture --- the cost of

our first apartment, new car payments, finding the right job, etc. But we go on!!

Then again, our plans take another direction --- our marriage, children and all that child raising entails, children's college, their marriage, first grandchild. Never do we see the full picture --- the work involved in raising a child, maintaining a marriage, and a career. But we go on!! !

Then the ultimate--what I believe we think is the final planning --our retirement!! Something interesting then happens. Often we stop planning since we have reached the ultimate, "paid our dues"- "this is my time." We rarely see the full reality our aging.

Many really don't plan for the stage of life that I refer to as the Frail Period. It is the only plan that doesn't have something to look forward to and it is often perceived as the end -- our death!

Let's face it, planning for the time of our lives that we are unable to care for ourselves is not exactly exciting! In fact, this type of planning often is a very sad and an anxiety producing experience. Many people find it very difficult to even discuss the possibility of dying much less discuss or plan for long term disability that often comes with moving into what I refer to as the Frail Period.

I encourage you to be gentle and patient when you broach this topic with your parent/parents. But it must be discussed in order for you and your parent to move into "the frail period" with confidencethat all will be well!!!

I have a belief that the Frail Period is just as important and special to the elder and the family as the birth process and first few years of life. Much joy can be obtained by developing and adjusting your relationship with your elder family member.